they need to just BURY HIM!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
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