im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
