she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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