24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
