when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Small penises have feelings too.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
