Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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