I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
That was before I lit my hair on fire
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
