Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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