you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
