I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
