my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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