i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
