We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
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And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
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And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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