Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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