Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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