I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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