I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
