Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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