so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
