Pappa wants mamma naked
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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