I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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