she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
