meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
