My nipple is on Facebook.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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