i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize