I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
