I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
