where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
