Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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