whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
