He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
