Sponge bath it is.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Can I color on your dick again?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
