You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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