just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
