remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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