I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
