she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woke up backwards on a recliner
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
