We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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