where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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