So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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