"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
is wine microwaveable?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
