I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
