I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
