He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
