kristin has been a bad kristin
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
