i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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