Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
