How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
