good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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