oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
