Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
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What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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