and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS