You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
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I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
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She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"