Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
