you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.