Apparently you make a good broom.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
