I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.