I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.