I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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