This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
