You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
