im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize