Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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