Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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