i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
