I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
