ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
