If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
