She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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