btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
