bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Life is so much better after having sex.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
