dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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