im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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