Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize