3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
