the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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