oh god the rape fog is back!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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