I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
is it fun? or sober?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
