Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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