I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
