she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
