How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
