So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
