you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
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