i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
