Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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