I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
