Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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