I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize